Emma is stood in the crowd.
Emma: Welcome back to Big Brother 2015! So far this evening, we’ve seen three people walk through those famous doors, but there are still thirteen more to come. Will that number be a hindrance for our next housemate, or will they have the luck of the Irish on their side?...
SIMON’s VT begins with a close-up of the big screen.
Simon: Simon Smyth here, nice to meet you. I turned 33 last month and I’m from a small-ish town in Northern Ireland called Craigavon, where I work as a hospital nurse. I always get funny looks or little quips from people when I tell them that I’m a nurse – my response is to tell them to shut the ****** up. That usually works! But you know, outside of my job I’m in my thirties yet I do act like a big kid sometimes. I love practical jokes, messing about, all things like that, and somehow I’ve managed to hold onto a boyfriend for five years. Don’t ask me how. I’m quite an adventurous person so hopefully that’ll pay off in the house, for example I spent just under two years of my life backpacking around the world when I was eighteen. Adrenaline and action are big passions of mine, so yeah, fingers crossed I’ll get to show that off. How do I think I’ll do in there? Oh, I don’t know. I’ll probably have a Miley-esque meltdown in week two and start twerking up against everyone. In advance, viewers, I’m sorry. I really, really am.
Simon walks out of the limousine and towards the house, backed by a 80-20 cheers to boos ratio. He then walks up the stairs before turning and waving to his boyfriend, and then entering through the double doors.
Simon: (
muttering to himself) Keep calm, keep calm, keep calm…
Simon, now stood in the vestibule, opens the house door and screams as he does so.
Simon: I’m a little excited, can you tell? Ha ha, hi, I’m Simon, nice to meet you.
Caitlyn and Laura rush over to Simon with open arms as Edwin is a little more cautious.
Simon: Are we the only ones in? Jaysus. Cool house, though, isn’t it? Sorry, I’m checking out the décor already, how very straight of me!
We cut back to Emma.
Emma: Time to turn this quartet into a certified quintet.
The VT package of the fifth housemate, TISHA, starts.
Tisha: This is Miss Tisha Adam, you know, Titchy Tish, and I’m 20. What can I say, I make girls jealous on a daily basis. I got the body, I got the ass, I know that, I ain’t shy. I know I’m a South London sex symbol, trademarked, but I’m not a slut or nothing. I know my boundaries. Like I wouldn’t shag some really smelly guy, I have standards man. I got respect for my mama and she wouldn’t shag some really smelly guy either so I follow her example. All I wanna do in life is party, I can get into any club in London on any night, the doormen love me and my ass man, I dance so well. And cause I work in Topshop, I get all these wicked clothes for free and I don’t have to pay for it or nothing. People probably ain’t gonna like me in the house because I’m too good for them, it ain’t my fault that bitches be mad, is it? I ain’t afraid of pulling some bitch out on her bad weave or her ugly as ****** face, am I? I’m gonna turn that s**t up to eleven and I’m gonna be spilling more teas than them peeps in the American Revolution. Or something like that.
Tisha treats the entranceway as a catwalk as she poses her way through the booing crowd and walks up to the house. She then composes herself as she walks down the stairs, before pushing up her boobs and walking through the main door.
Tisha: Yeah bitches! Let’s get pissed!
Edwin’s jaw drops. Simon, Caitlyn and Laura introduce themselves as Tisha bemoans the lack of ‘black bitches’. She then picks a bottle of champagne up from the table and drinks the entire thing.
Simon: I think I love you already!
Edwin holds his head in his hands. We then see Emma back on the steps outside the house.
Emma: So, that was Tisha… shall we give her a bit of Russian beef to sink her teeth into?
Housemate number six, LEON , is introduced with a video.
Leon: I’m Leonid Veniamin Ivanov, but my friends all call me Leon. I was born in Omsk in Russia, where I lived for six years, and then I left for America with my family for a better life. We lived in California, then I moved out to Los Angeles to set myself up as an entrepreneur. This year, I moved to London, where I’m running several businesses. I’ve had many jobs, partly as a property developer, also as a stockbroker, I’ve set up several joints in California and Nevada, bars, clubs, some of the most popular nightspots there can be. That’s all down to me. I’m not afraid to say that I’m successful, you know, money is another language for me. I speak money as fluently as I can Russian or English. I’m always used to having beautiful women on my arm, wherever I go, beautiful girls are there. I’ve had orgies, I’ve had sex on private jets – you can say that money can’t buy you love but that’s just a lie. Money can make you look good, money can get you laid, money can make you popular. People who think otherwise… well, they just need some money. It isn’t my fault if they’re poor!
The limousine door opens and Leon comes out to boos. Ignoring these, he blows them kisses and walks up the staircase to the doors. Once they open, he walks down the steps and into the house, peeping his head around the door first.
Caitlyn: Hello!
Leon walks past Caitlyn and shakes Edwin and Simon’s hands. He then nods his head at Laura and Tisha, before being startled by Caitlyn introducing herself with a kiss on the cheek. He wipes this off with his sleeve.
Leon: Is this everyone?
Edwin: (
under his breath) God, I do hope not…
The camera cuts back to Emma, standing outside.
Emma: Why stop there? Let’s throw another victim… sorry, housemate, in!
ELOISE’s VT begins.
Eloise: Hello, I’m Eloise Koekemoer and I’m 23 years old. You’ll probably be able to tell by my accent that I’m South African – I was born and raised in a place called Randburg. It’s near Johannesburg, and it’s a fairly affluent area. I was lucky in that my family were quite wealthy – we lived in this really big house with acres of parkland, we had a maid, a nanny, a cook and a chauffeur and several cleaners, but I don’t see myself as different to any other girls. People in the past have said that I have a bit of a tendency to look down on people but no, I don’t agree. My upbringing doesn’t have any bearing on what I’m like now, does it? That said, yeah, I probably can be a bit of a bitch when I want to be, but everyone has a bit of a bitch inside of them. I can get quite pissed off with men, having just come from a relationship that fell through despite how hard I tried to make it work. Men can just be bastards like that. I’m probably not the most welcoming girl in that sense, but once my housemates get to know me, they’ll love me. Right?
Eloise’s reception is a mixture of cheers and boos, but she waves to the crowd nonetheless and walks up the steps, before blowing one last kiss and entering through the doors.
Eloise: Right, don’t fall, don’t fall…
Eloise manages to not fall, and after figuring out which way to open the door, she goes through to the main house.
Laura: Oh my god, I ******ing love your dress, oh my god! Sorry, I’m Laura.
Eloise: Eloise, nice to meet you.
The usual awkward-double-cheek-kissing occurs several more times as Eloise makes her way around her new housemates, starting with the girls.
Caitlyn: You’re Australian, aren’t you, hun?
Eloise: Close, South Africa! Haha.
Caitlyn: Africa?!
Simon: This is turning into that scene from Mean Girls, I can feel it!...
The camera cuts away from the live feed and back to Emma, who is now stood on the steps leading to her circular podium.
Emma: We’ll be slowly trickling further towards a full house right after these messages…