[parmnion]

https://youtu.be/9n3A_-HRFfc?si=C6a0TiY_asz1V0cC

[Kate!]

Ah, what a can of worms this question has opened for me. If I could turn back time, knowing what I know now, I'd never have had my child. Sounds truly awful but it's not from a selfish perspective, rather the opposite. It's always on my mind, every single day, that my son is alone in the world without either a mum or a dad with him choosing to go his own way. As most on here will know, his dad is in prison. He's only 25. It haunts me. It's something I just have to live with however. Guilt is my companion. I feel responsible for him, having brought him up as a single mum for such a long time. It's hard not knowing how he is day to day, whether he's happy, whether things are going well for him or not., how he's coping financially etc.

So yeah If I knew then how things would turn out I feel it would be kinder not to have had him. For his sake.

It's an awful world to face on your own.

[parmnion]

Originally Posted by Kate!

Ah, what a can of worms this question has opened for me. If I could turn back time, knowing what I know now, I'd never have had my child. Sounds truly awful but it's not from a selfish perspective, rather the opposite. It's always on my mind, every single day, that my son is alone in the world without either a mum or a dad with him choosing to go his own way. As most on here will know, his dad is in prison. He's only 25. It haunts me. It's something I just have to live with however. Guilt is my companion. I feel responsible for him, having brought him up as a single mum for such a long time. It's hard not knowing how he is day to day, whether he's happy, whether things are going well for him or not., how he's coping financially etc.

So yeah If I knew then how things would turn out I feel it would be kinder not to have had him. For his sake.

It's an awful world to face on your own.

Aww kate, Kate darling, that's heartbreaking to read. I hope he reaches out to you soon.

I dont think you truly wish him dead, that's the heartbreak making you say that.

[Mystic Mock]

I don't know tbh, because I don't think that I'd want to go through certain things in my life again.

But there have also been great things that have happened, that would be fun to experience all over again.

I'm torn.

[Mystic Mock]

And the only regret probably in my life tbh, is probably not being more adventurous when I was in my teens.

[hijaxers]

Parmy Kates not wished him dead - thats the last thing she'd wish, she is saying if she could turn back time she probably would have made different decisions, because looking back she clearly sees she made mistakes that now haunt her. i completely get where she is coming from as i made different decisions - forced by my parents that haunted me for years.

[parmnion]

I understand x

I didn't mean it like how it came out. I just felt sorry for kate.

[Kate!]

Thank you Parmy and Jax.

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Kate!

Ah, what a can of worms this question has opened for me. If I could turn back time, knowing what I know now, I'd never have had my child. Sounds truly awful but it's not from a selfish perspective, rather the opposite. It's always on my mind, every single day, that my son is alone in the world without either a mum or a dad with him choosing to go his own way. As most on here will know, his dad is in prison. He's only 25. It haunts me. It's something I just have to live with however. Guilt is my companion. I feel responsible for him, having brought him up as a single mum for such a long time. It's hard not knowing how he is day to day, whether he's happy, whether things are going well for him or not., how he's coping financially etc.

So yeah If I knew then how things would turn out I feel it would be kinder not to have had him. For his sake.

It's an awful world to face on your own.

I get if you don't want to answer this question as it's personal, but have you thought about moving closer to where your Son lives? So that you could be in touch with each other more regularly?

[LaLaLand]

Easier said than done, but I'd seek help to nip my anxiety/depression in the bud (or attempt to) instead of ignoring it and letting it fester how it did when I was younger to end up so severe I ended up having my first full-on breakdown at 21 years old after my grandfather passed away and basically losing the whole of my 20's to mental health struggles.

I feel like I missed out on everything. Was a recluse for many years (tendencies that even today I still have to snap out of and force myself out of the house), missed out on relationships, milestones in my own life as well as those of my family's and friends (the ones who still bothered about me as the years went on, that is), work opportunities, getting my own place, holidays etc. I did manage to go to my local uni and get a degree but it was such a stressful experience for me. I finished it not to the best of my ability and at the end of it I had yet another "breakdown" just from the pressures of passing/graduating.

I'm almost 34 now and things are somewhat finally starting to look up it seems (I don't want to jinx it) but I still feel like I'm just sort of existing rather than seizing the day. Pretty much going to be a nervous wreck forever now with absolutely zero self-worth or confidence, constantly worrying about everything and massively self-conscious but at least I have a bit of a social life, opportunities coming up and plans. Better than nothing I guess.

[Ammi]

…all I can say, Kate…is you’ve been though some tough times recently, as you’ve said and shared…and there you are, in a great place in your life and with someone who’s showing belief in you and you’re all working through everything together to build a future…?…and the future seems like a pretty good place to look toward atm…I wish you well……

…and LaLa…what I see is an incredible young man with so much artistic/creative talent and your weight loss journey also…?…and knowing how difficult it’s been for you, the more you inspire…?…and you’ll be that inspiration to others, whether it be through their own art and creative talents or in many and any other ways…also wishing you everything that you wish for yourself……

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by LaLaLand

Easier said than done, but I'd seek help to nip my anxiety/depression in the bud (or attempt to) instead of ignoring it and letting it fester how it did when I was younger to end up so severe I ended up having my first full-on breakdown at 21 years old after my grandfather passed away and basically losing the whole of my 20's to mental health struggles.

I feel like I missed out on everything. Was a recluse for many years (tendencies that even today I still have to snap out of and force myself out of the house), missed out on relationships, milestones in my own life as well as those of my family's and friends (the ones who still bothered about me as the years went on, that is), work opportunities, getting my own place, holidays etc. I did manage to go to my local uni and get a degree but it was such a stressful experience for me. I finished it not to the best of my ability and at the end of it I had yet another "breakdown" just from the pressures of passing/graduating.

I'm almost 34 now and things are somewhat finally starting to look up it seems (I don't want to jinx it) but I still feel like I'm just sort of existing rather than seizing the day. Pretty much going to be a nervous wreck forever now with absolutely zero self-worth or confidence, constantly worrying about everything and massively self-conscious but at least I have a bit of a social life, opportunities coming up and plans. Better than nothing I guess.

Tbh, I probably need to force myself out of my comfort levels too.

Because I don't really socialize as much as I probably should do.

Congratulations on your successes btw.

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…all I can say, Kate…is you’ve been though some tough times recently, as you’ve said and shared…and there you are, in a great place in your life and with someone who’s showing belief in you and you’re all working through everything together to build a future…?…and the future seems like a pretty good place to look toward atm…I wish you well……

…and LaLa…what I see is an incredible young man with so much artistic/creative talent and your weight loss journey also…?…and knowing how difficult it’s been for you, the more you inspire…?…and you’ll be that inspiration to others, whether it be through their own art and creative talents or in many and any other ways…also wishing you everything that you wish for yourself……

Thank you Ammi, your words are as lovely as ever, both for me and La La. You do have a way of putting things across. Xx

[Kate!]

For Jonnii aka Lalaland

I think you're amazing, and you have such a great talent. You are a special valuable person.