[Stephanie]

:l augh3::lau gh3::laugh 3:

[Stu]

*sigh*

The things I do to entertain ...

Anyway after the planet shaking collision of 2:08 the Doctor comfirms 'the planet has shifted'. Dumb white woman follows this up with 'what do you mean?'. The Doc get's nostalgic about the date ... claiming it must somehow be important. Two seconds later he says forget it and calculates using that awesome brain of his that the planet moved one million miles across the universe in just under two seconds. It's amazing that they appear in perfect health after such a devastating cosmic event.

I'm going to assume that a great deal of metaphysical research was done just prior to the shooting of this project but let's just break this down for a moment here :

- The planet jumps one million miles across the space time continuum in a mere two seconds.

- None of the primary cast appear in any sort of distress. Furthermore their hairstyles and attire remain perfectly intact.

- The ship they arrived in is IN THE SAME POSITION AND IS STILL UPRIGHT.

Compare this to a recent event in our own present day existence :

Spoiler:

Now ... and open your mind real wide here ... this devastating geographical near apocalypse was instigated by some very, very meaningless physical meanderings on the cosmic scale. Certainly a lot less than ... oh say ... a fucking planet doing this :

Spoiler:

YEARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


VIN DIESEL IS DRIVING US ONE MILLION MILES ACROSS THE GALAXY TO AN UNSATISFYING CONCLUSION!

And what changes? What changes I ask? Why not a fucking bit. The Doc and his merry band of disaster immune nitwits do nothing save for undergo a few seconds of dodgy shakey cam, wibbly wobbly special effects.

And it all turns out just fine.





The Doctor says he won't fight because fighting is not his style. What a pussy. Back in my day action heroes were real men. Men like Goldberg in Universal Soldier and Nicholas Cage in ... anything. Doc wonders who else is around and dumb whitey says Razor is around. Razor works the labs, apparently. They let a guy named 'Razor' work the labs?

Doc says take me there as he gapes uncontrollably at whitey's ass. He needs to see the injuries of the dead guys. We see one of the dead blokes undergo a prognosis from who I assume is Razor. Portrayed here by Ricky Martin. In between Livin' La Vida Loca he explains that a bite to the back of the head was the cause of death which would contradict the earlier amateur postmortem which described it as a blow.

I've gotten my head blown a few times over the course of my wild teenage years and I can tell you ... the pros don't bite. There's a difference.

Anyway the victim's head is resting on a lab bed that is absoloutely pumping with fucking blood. Didn't they clean the guy up before bringing him in here? Is he an eternal haemophiliac who will just bleed and bleed until this whole sorry saga ends? Stitch him up, Razor!

Razor?

It's making more sense now. I think slash hope.

Razor has a periodic table of elements in his lab. Because ... uhh ... I'm not sure. Did this guy buy his medical cert off the internet?

ZOMBIES! Or something like zombies. They come at Razor. Mutants perhaps. We skip ahead in time as the Doc and whitey come into the lab. Razor is on the floor. He is deeply distraught and possibly the victim of some trans-species sexual assualt.

The Weevils got away but Razor managed to scan them. Oh yeah. Weevils, baby.






BREAK.

[Stephanie]

Originally Posted by Stu

He is deeply distraught and possibly the victim of some trans-species sexual assualt.

PMSL.

*dies*

[Scarlett.]

lmao just watched the whole video xD

[Stu]

The Doc tells Larissa he wants a full scan of the atmosphere. Larissa complies, fearing another cruel slavery joke from this ruthless suited bigot. The Doc says he needs to see someone back on Earth and leaves through the poorly contructed cardboard corridor of plotholes.

The Doc emerges out of another telephone box into the plush appartment of Veroon Hibert, the 1489'th and best Prime Minister of this great nation. The leader of the nation shows no alarm whatsoever at the stranger who has just materialized from thin air in his phonebox and sets out questioning The Doc - who is wearing red converse with his suit in a dashing display of post punk anarchic defiance - what the situation with the planets is.

Doc asks if anyone has mysteriously died recently and if you know any better conversation ice breakers then do divulge, dear readers. The Prime Minister says no and Doc says 'good day'. As he is stepping into his phonebox the PM asks if Earth will be harmed. The Doc says, and I quote, 'Hope Not, Good Day!'.

There's so much tension and realism dripping from this dialogue that I feel like I am being waterboarded. Yeah, HOPE YOUR PLANET DOESN'T GET FUCKED LMAO.

The Doc's being a smarmy pain in the hole at this stage. The Weevil raping must have really scarred him pretty badly.

Larissa has had some hood rats hacking away at the atmosphere scan and it's ready when Doc returns. She says something is materializing on the surface of Pinorthis and to take Lemon with you to pop a cap in it's ass, homeboy. I hope it's John Malkovich.

It's not. It's some sort of R2D2 looking jobbie that my meagre cultural knowledge of Doctor Who informs me is a Dalek. The Doc says he should have guessed. The Dalek says DOCTOR in CAPS because his the fucking man and goes into a long monologue which I translated as 'OOGA BOOGA WOOGA SOMETHING SOMETHING ETC EARTH WILL COLLIDE WITH PINARTHIS!'.

Oh pinar that!

Doc says again that he should have guessed because presumably androids playing tennis with celestial bodies is an altogether run of the mill occurence round' these neck of the woods.

Doc and Lemon are about to take leave when the Dalek shouts HALT! Mein herz brennt. Nazibot does an emergency teleport stunt worthy of Derren Brown in defiance of a phonebox that has crept up on him to deliver a TIME PARADOX!

Spoiler:

A whaaaaaaaa?

Apparently the Doc tried to come up from behind the Dalek to pop a cap in it's metalreich ass in some time travel trickery. However Joe does not have two figures of the same Doctor so one is the David Tennant one and the other is the newer, gay looking one.

We are now in a metal walled base with a lush blue carpet. The unforgiveable clash of style and sense aside this is a riviting scene in which everybody looks panicky and outlines the plot so far. As if I could ever forget such a visceral thrill ride. Larissa says we ought to sacrifice that good for nothing Pinorthis and use is to joyride into the Dalek's ship lolz.

The Dalek's arrive.

WIBBLY WOBBLY SHAKEY CAM SEQUENCE.

End of episode.

[Vicky.]

Stu

[Niall]

Stu omg

[Scarlett.]

Win.

[Joe.]

Originally Posted by Stu

However Joe does not have two figures of the same Doctor so one is the David Tennant one and the other is the newer, gay looking one.

I do actually. I have 4 David Tennants. It's just a hook for a future story ok.

[Stu]

x1,000,000

[Niall]

Originally Posted by Joe.

I do actually. I have 4 David Tennants. It's just a hook for a future story ok.

[Boothy]

This thread has made my day. Stu, you, sir, are a legend.

[Stephanie]

:l augh2::lau gh2::laugh 2:

[Ramsay]

amazing

[Shaun]

this is probably better writing than the actual Doctor Who.

[Joe.]

Episode 2- The Scavenger Daleks

Youtube video

[Stephanie]

groovy music.

The wibbly wobbly camera effect is a personal highlight. The shock of an ORANGE dalek appearing on the cardboard stage is nearly too much for me to take in a 6 minute clip. I almost had to insert my own adbreak.

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

-dislikes on yt-

[Shaun]

Originally Posted by Scott

-dislikes on yt-

you malicious little slut.

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

[GypsyGoth]

I hope Amy Pond shows up, I've only watched the latest series of Dr Who. Anyway very creative Joe