[Benjamin]

So we do this every year (for the last 3 years I believe). Basically we all write a TiBB Christmas story, a post at a time. You can write more than one post but at least wait until somebody else has posted.


Now this could get a little confusing if everyone posts at the same time, so maybe leave it about ten minutes after the last post.




It was the night before Christmas, some like to call it Christmas Eve, and it was a cold, bitter night outside. Ammi was stood in her kitchen roasting some chestnuts and brewing some mulled wine, the aroma filled the house with Christmas scent and she knew her children, Shaun and Locke, would be excited by the smell as soon as they returned from their carolling.

She glanced at the clock and saw that it was getting close to 8 o'clock, they would be back soon, and realised she had got so carried away making the treats that she had not yet finished wrapping the last of their presents.

Setting the flames on the hob down low, she quickly rushed up the stairs to find the last presents that she had hidden in the wardrobe of the guest bedroom. Unlocking the door she went in and instantly felt a chill down her spine. She put it down to a draught and made her way to the cupboard. Opening the door she took a step back and gasped a little. There were no presents in there, but not only that, there was a door at the back of the cupboard she had never seen before. She'd lived here for thirty years and never seen this before, and she stood staring at it for a good few minutes trying work out if she was losing her marbles. Finally she plkucked up the courage to realise that she wasn't and that it was really there, so she stepped into the cupboard and put her hand on this strange new door. She opened the door and was amazed to see a snow covered forest. Now she knew she was losing her mind, but curioisty got the better of her so she stepped through...

[Ammi]

..but just as she was about to step through the door, which she realised couldn’t have been there very long because she wasn’t old enough to have lived there 30 years..possibly 15 at the most...she heard a panicked cry from behind her....she realised it was her youngest son Shaun..who was furiously trying to tell her something...

..after she had slapped him around a bit to calm him down he told her that his eldest brother Locke had got LOST..he was still obviously upset and frightened so it was hard to understand what he was trying to say, but then, it always was with him, he talked such nonsense anyway...he was babbling on about a plane crash, an island with some numbers..none of it made any sense..just as she was about to slap him again, she became aware if a presence behind her...she slowly turns around to find a huge....

[Shaun]

Barbadian lady named Suze dressed from head to toe in purple sequins and a tribal necklace.

"Ammi, me gurl," Suze began, "I been meaning to warn ya sister, ya little one, that bumbaclot who run after the Novo boy like a poofter."
Ammi thought for a moment that this patois had taken a number of offensive turns already and was about to interrupt but was pushed aside by Suze as she walked in and helped herself to a glass of rum.
"I be meaning to tell you gurl, that he done run away to some place called The Island, although it ain't no Caribbean paradise you get me?" Suze swigged and threw her hands up in the air in dramatic fashion. "At least I tink it was an island, he kept mentioning his bellend, I done nearly choke on my lentils!"

Ammi tried to take this all in, and Shaun stood smugly as his story was proven right - albeit with a confusing reggae twist - whilst inspecting his nails.

"You done checkin' yo fingers wit me boy? Ammi my sister you done raised a pair of homo brothers if you hear me!" Suze rolled her eyes as she was shown the door by Shaun, who slipped in a derogatory comment about the size of Suze's ankles.

"What are we going to do, mummy?" Shaun whined.
"Listen to Rebel Rebel?" Ammi suggested, scrambling for her vinyl collection.
"But after that!" Shaun persisted, whilst strapping on his platform heels.

Just then, there was a crash upstairs...

[Kate!]

Genius.

[Ammi]

.....just then, there was a crash upstairs...

....but it turned out to be only Shaun’s stepbrother, half-witted, quarter-sister, twice removed cousin, Dezzy..otherwise known as Babs...who had been trying to climb the loft ladder as usual, attempting to get to heaven..but he never quite made it, as he always got dizzy..Dezzy...only this time there was something unusual about it....there was a distinctive mark on his forehead, which said....

[Benjamin]

...Beware the Baron.

It had been written by a figure in the spare room in the form of a small midget who had tried to come from this new door in the wardrobe and got their foot caught around Ammi's gimp costume. Slightly embarrassed, Ammi quickly went over to the midget, who appeared to be all in green and look like a cross between a leprechaun and an elf, and she pulled the costume off and discarded it to the side, ignoring the horrored look from her son.

'What..who, are you? And why are you in my house?', Ammi stuttered, not sure if she was nervous or just a little intoxicated from Suze's rum breath.

'My name is Nimjhjdcscbsbcjsdkbdjbskbb Ho, but people just call me Nim for short', she replied in a weird high pitched accent that had letters in the words that didn't actually sound like how they should. 'I'm here to help you find your lost boy who on an island in The Mystikal Rhelms that lie far beyond that door. He is being held by Baron Sticks who is trying to end the world, and he needs to brainwash Locke to do so. The journey will be tough and across many lands with many foes who work for the baron. You will meet a friend through the doors into the snowy woods, they will help you on the start of your quest. I must go, but I will return, but take my lucky potato, it will help protect you'.

With that Nim ran back into the wardrobe and was gone before Ammi even had time to register what was going on. She turned to her son, Shaun, and before she could say anything he grabbed her hand and they ran through the new door and found themselves in a cold snowy woodland. They turned back to see where they had come from but found nothing but a white wilderness with snow covered skeleton trees...

[Ammi]

..but before Ammi and Shaun could wonder about this strange world, Ammi realised that it wasn’t the wording on half-witted Dezzy/Babs irrelevant Kate Bush’s, should have been running up that hill, instead of climbing ladders forehead which had scared her..it was the marking next to them...a marking she had only ever seen once in her life before...it was the marking of a black turtle...not the usual black turtle you often see...but the very sinister NZ All Black Turtle..the very thought of it sent shivers through her whole body....

...just as these terrifying thoughts were running through her head....she heard a voice behind her..she suddenly felt comforted, as she immediately recognised it as that friendly chap in the village called InOne...her memories of the first time he introduced himself came flooding back...because at the time he said his name was InOne....the idiot adopted son Shaun had said’ InOne what?’ ...when it was perfectly obvious by the rounded bellies of every lady in the village, why he was called InOne......well the ‘One’ wasn’t so obvious...it was a lot more than one....

....but just as InOne approached them...something terrifying happened...something that was going to change the course of their lives forever......

[Benjamin]

..InOne gave birth to a baby ogre that had 9 arms and fangs. This was clearly the magic of The All Black Turtle, who was working for Baron Sticks.

Shaun looked bewildered as the last splodge of afterbirth erupted from InOne and Ammi looked scared. InOne then exploded into a puff of smoke and placenta whilst this creature just stared freakishly at them both.

'Mummy', Shaun whimpered whilst urinating himself. Ammi grabbed his hand and shouted 'RUN!'.

They bolted through the woods not daring to look back, the snow was tiring to run through and the bitter wind was bringing tears to Ammi's eyes, she was struggling to find a safe path. All of a sudden they heard a wild screech from the beast, 'Kiiiiiiizzzzzzzzzyyyyyyy', it wailed like a banshee in a swamp.

Ammi knew it was now after them and she heard Shaun let out another whimper. She tried to run faster but she caught her foot on something and tumbled down, but rather than land on the snow topped floor she found that was falling through a deep hole, yet Shaun was not falling with her...

[Jake.]

Ammi fell for what seemed like a life time (despite being a fall of only 3 meters in length). She hit a wooden floor. Looking up, she could see the hole she had just feel through, but it wouldn't be plausible to climb back up. Looking around, she was in a small room with a painting, with the name 'Bigbrother12' engraved in it.

Ammi was rather scared, and worried what Shaun would be doing. She started to touch the walls, to see if any had an opening of any kind. She pressed a switch on the third wall, but with that, a christmas candle on a wooden shelf lit. It was scented and the smell became worryingly stronger. Ammi fell down in to a deep dream.

Shaun was still running, unaware that his mother had fallen. He finally realised that she had gone, but the woods was now far too covered with snow to turn back. Looking ahead, he saw a cabin...

[Benjamin]

...he ran to the cabin scared and smelling of urine. He could hear Kizzy still wailing in the distance and it would not be long before she caught up. He hammered on the big wooden door of the cabin. He heard footsteps and willed them to hurry.

'HELP ME', he pleaded'.

The door swung open and a pair of strong hands grabbed him, dragged him in and slammed the door shut.

Shaun, dazed by that sudden flurry of events turned round to see a big stocky gentleman.

'You're safe now, boy', he spoke, with a voice surprisingly mellow for his stature. 'That beast will not get us in here, there's magic around the house, my partner is a practicing witch', he continued. 'My name is Joe C, and that that there is my wife, MMImi'.

Shaun turned to see a skinny, but very tall looking young lady, dressed all in black and gave a little wave. She smiled back gently, which made him feel a little reassured, then she brought him over a cup of warm cocoa.

***

Ammi roused from her sleep and found lying next to her face Nims lucky potato. Oh what great luck that brought she thought, shaking her groggy head.

She suddenly became aware of footsteps walking nearer on the wooden floor...

[AnnieK]

Ben beat me to it so deleted mine so it doesn't ruin the flow

[Jake.]

Originally Posted by Ben

...he ran to the cabin scared and smelling of urine. He could hear Kizzy still wailing in the distance and it would not be long before she caught up. He hammered on the big wooden door of the cabin. He heard footsteps and willed them to hurry.

'HELP ME', he pleaded'.

The door swung open and a pair of strong hands grabbed him, dragged him in and slammed the door shut.

Shaun, dazed by that sudden flurry of events turned round to see a big stocky gentleman.

'You're safe now, boy', he spoke, with a voice surprisingly mellow for his stature. 'That beast will not get us in here, there's magic around the house, my partner is a practicing witch', he continued. 'My name is Joe C, and that that there is my wife, MMImi'.

Shaun turned to see a skinny, but very tall looking young lady, dressed all in black and gave a little wave. She smiled back gently, which made him feel a little reassured, then she brought him over a cup of warm cocoa.

***

Ammi roused from her sleep and found lying next to her face Nims lucky potato. Oh what great luck that brought she thought, shaking her groggy head.

She suddenly became aware of footsteps walking nearer on the wooden floor...

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Ben

...he ran to the cabin scared and smelling of urine. He could hear Kizzy still wailing in the distance and it would not be long before she caught up. He hammered on the big wooden door of the cabin. He heard footsteps and willed them to hurry.

'HELP ME', he pleaded'.

The door swung open and a pair of strong hands grabbed him, dragged him in and slammed the door shut.

Shaun, dazed by that sudden flurry of events turned round to see a big stocky gentleman.

'You're safe now, boy', he spoke, with a voice surprisingly mellow for his stature. 'That beast will not get us in here, there's magic around the house, my partner is a practicing witch', he continued. 'My name is Joe C, and that that there is my wife, MMImi'.

Shaun turned to see a skinny, but very tall looking young lady, dressed all in black and gave a little wave. She smiled back gently, which made him feel a little reassured, then she brought him over a cup of warm cocoa.

***

Ammi roused from her sleep and found lying next to her face Nims lucky potato. Oh what great luck that brought she thought, shaking her groggy head.

She suddenly became aware of footsteps walking nearer on the wooden floor...

..as soon as she realised that the figure approaching was Nathan Dumbledore...a wizard renowned for his unsurpassed wisdom..she knew that she was safe and that he would help her to find her beloved baby Shaun.....

...but as she was about to ask for his help..an enormous...

[Benjamin]

Sorry annie, you can go now.

[AnnieK]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..as soon as she realised that the figure approaching was Nathan Dumbledore...a wizard renowned for his unsurpassed wisdom..she knew that she was safe and that he would help her to find her beloved baby Shaun.....

...but as she was about to ask for his help..an enormous...

.....puff of enchanted smoke erupted in between Ammi and Nathan Dumbledore and Ammi could no longer see the great Wizard and knew she need to find a way to disperse the enchanted smoke but the question was...how????

Meanwhile....Shaun was having some tea with Joe C and his witch wife....when suddenly the door to the cabin burst open and there stood Kizzy, wild eyed and panting... she stretched out a hand and pointed a long nailed finger and said.......

[Ammi]

.....'Has anyone seen my donkey?'.....

....thay all looked at her with puzzled expressions on their faces....they had never heard of this donkey she spoke of.....'whatever can she mean?'..they all thought....

...then, suddenly they all realised that she was referring to the beast called.....

[Kizzy]

Little did they know kizzy was a kindly soul her song was shrill but it silenced the beast....
Morphing into her human form she was sad for the plight of ammi and her children....
She knew that once the enchantment was broken the frost would become permanant and no laughter would echo in the town, her sprites munch and jake circled the area...
everyone was safe, for now...
They watched as the wise cherie tended to the newcomers wounds.
She warned of the evil that nested in the heart of the village, feeding on the lifeforce of everyone... the bony scarlet nailed fingers corrupted the sweet and the good, many were hidden in her lair...
Who would be brave (or stupid) enough to try to reason with the beast?
Kindly woodcutter marsh was on his way to work when he met annie the baker, they had both witnessed many a villager lost.
Those that did her bidding were rewarded with trinkets, these talismans hypnotized the wearer and were the secret to her power.
Remove those and she would perish, but her spies were everywhere, the most feared of them was.....

[Shaun]

"Joe C, this banshee talks a load of pretentious waffle," Shaun sighed, as he grabbed MMimi's prosthetic leg and holstered it, revealing it to be a semi-automatic rifle.
"Agreed, mate!" Joe C sprung into action and opened a hatch hidden to the right of their kitchen.

A hoard of Halfwits and Dogfaces scrambled out of a tunnel built under Joe's hut, and leapt towards the banshee and her guards. She unleashed an unearthly shriek, and several of the creatures instantly disintegrated in front of the piss-sodden Shaun and his new friends.

"Quickly, this way!" Joe C grabbed his wife and Shaun, before ushering them out through the back door. MMImi stumbled and hit the floor, hard.
"Ow!" she whined.
"You're bleeding, love!" Joe cried, as he picked her up in his arms and carried her himself.
"I'll get better in time", she cooed and looked gooily into his eyes.
"I DON'T KNOW ANY LEONA LEWIS SONGS," Shaun yelled over the carnage in the distance behind them, as they came to a clearing in the woods. They took shelter under a fallen oak, and feasted on some berries, when all of a sudden they heard a loud hum from overhead. MMimi squinted upwards to see a large black airship... in the shape of a turtle...

[Kate!]

The Airship Landed and a man clad from head to toe in black stepped out.

"I'm Ben" he introduced himself. "I'm from the planet Turtaria, in a galaxy far far away. I have come to earth with my family as war has erupted and the planet is in meltdown. This is the only spaceship left, so I had to save us somehow. I come peacefully and would hope to build relations and make a new home for us here.

Shaun wasn't convinced by this story, he had caught a glimpse of something when the doors of the vessel had opened on landing. It was......

[Ammi]

.....the goblin Arista..a very lovable but nervous creature who was often to be seen in the forest...and with him were the princess fairies, Gypsygoth and Ninastar..he was hardly ever separated from them...he felt safe with them..and they, in their own way were quite fond of him too..they drank his blood daily, which gave them eternal youth...

...but just as everyone was looking towards the spaceship...something terrible happened....

[Benjamin]

Ben, who Shaun suddenly realised was The Dark Turtle, grabbed MMImi and Ninastar and ordered his guards to take them to the airship. Gypsygoth was first to react and tried to spring forward and save them but The Dark Turtle foresaw this and threw out his best m21 impersonation, 'you so funnee, me no likee ', which sent GypsyGoth into a manic rage and made her stab Arista.

She realised what she had done and shrieked, holding onto Arista as his life ebbed away in her arms. The other were at a standstill as The Dark Turtles guards held them while he got back on his airship with Ninastar and MMImi.


''You'll pay for this, Turtle', yelled Joe C,

'I will get my wife back, just wait and see,
you'll regret ever messing with me,
you know who I am, I'm Joe C'.

The Dark Turtle turned, 'YOU ARE NOT WATERHOG, STOP MAKING EVERYTHING RHYME!', before the airship door closed and took off.

A chilled wind slid through the snowy forest, and Shaun could hear Kizzy in the distance still shrieking trying to find them. He turned to Joe C who was coaxing GypsyGoth up away from the lifeless Arista. She was sobbing uncontrollably.

He beckoned to Shaun to head forward, 'We'll head this way, it'll take us to TiBB Town, from there we can try and find a way to locate The Dark Turtle, Baron Sticks, Ninastar, MMImi, your brother Locke, and mother Ammi'.

****

Meanwhile Ammi was still trying to battle with a plume of smoke that had blanketed her and Nathan Dumbledore.

'Over here', she heard him whisper, 'follow my voice'. She could then hear him continue to whisper something in a strange language that she thought she recognised as spambot.

Finally she felt a hand on hers which led her out of the smoke.

'Oh', Ammi gasped without meaning to. They had left the room and smoke and now appeared to not be back in a snowy woodland, but instead a sunny meadow...

[AnnieK]

....where it appeared that wedding preparations were taking place.....Ammi had to do a double take when she spotted the bride and groom, it was Santa Claus and Puss In Boots!! Ammi quickly realised the enchanted smoke had hallucinogenic properties...she gazed around wildly trying to decide what was real or part of the hallucination...Hearing a huge crash behind her, Ammi spun around and ran quickly towards the commotion and saw....

[Kizzy]

Kizzy, she had braved the evils of the dark forest, battered and bruised and covered in urine she explained that she had been attacked by shaun while she attempted to remove his talisman as he slept.
A strange odour decended...
Half dead creatures began appearing.
the spliffites, a well known tribe chief stu and his subdued warriors redway and karl made for the buffet table.
The presence of senora lee and mayor jesus was a welcome sight, both immune to the effects of the beast.
All was peaceful, the little sprites jamie and munch threw pixie dust and the night elves from tibbland moon dust.
Puss in boots looked in awe at the magical meadow, and santa claus beamed with pride.
All was well untill.....

[Benjamin]

...Nim rejoined them.

'Ahhh, you still have my lucky potato, good, good', Nim said, with a cheeky grin. Ammi looked down at her left hand and realised she was still holding it. 'What is going on?, Ammi asked a little confused by everything.

Nathan Dumbledore and Nim took a quick glance to each other before Nathan replied, 'Well you see, we've had to hide here in Pussy Meadow until that smoke cleared, as you have guessed already, it is an hallucinogen'.

'Oh, so that odd wedding down there isn't real then?', Ammi asked, again feeling rather confused and groggy. This time Nim replied, 'Oh, no, that wedding is as real as you and me, they had it here away from Baron Sticks' watchful eyes, but enough of that we should really get going, we have pressing matters that need to be fixed'.

Nim bound forward down the meadow hill and towards a river that had giant shoe on it. Nathan and Ammi followed and as they drew nearer Ammi saw that it was infact a boat, not a shoe. Nim boarded, followed by Nathan and at first Ammi was reluctant, she easily got sea sick and was already feeling woozy from the earlier smoke cloud. Finally after a perplexed look from Nim she stepped on board and was instantly greeted by the Captain. 'Bonjour, my dear pretty', he bellowed in such a hearty voice that Ammi broke into a smile,'My name is Remy and I am the captain of this vessel. Please find somewhere comfy to relax, as we set sail to the port of TiBB Town'. Ammi smiled again, and tried to reply but found that she just needed to sit down and relax for a bit. Captain Remy started the engine and began to dock from the bank, and Ammi could see that Nathan and Nim were deep in conversation. She decided to close her eyes for a second and before she knew it she was sleeping.

***

Shaun, Joe C and a still weeping GypsyGoth were still walking through the woodlands, but Shaun had noticed ten minutes before that the snow had been thining out and that now there was none at all. Infact the whole surroundings had near enough changed, the trees were in full bloom, not skeletal like, the ground had thick green grass, and the sky, although cloudy, felt a lot warmer.

He'd wanted to say something to break the silence of the trio, but was worried about setting GypsyGoth off again, so decided it was best to remain silent for now until he stopped and looked down, 'Joe C, look at this!', he exclaimed with a puzzled tone. He bent down and picked up...

[Kizzy]

A black patent stilletto...
A voice from a nearby cave gave a stark warning,
she is near! leave this place!
gypsygoth recognised the voice as the keeper of the skyangel, she raced to the cave but found it empty, but for an ancient map..
They show the way to tibb town!
it read,
beware the beast
she burns the truth
and you can never tell
if she is genuine, right and true or an inhabitant of hell!
Joe C grabbed the map, lets get out of here!
They went towards the first point 'magic marcos mushroom' looking at them from a nearby tree was.....