[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Redway

It’s not about trusting the whole world but just knowing and accepting that anyone can fall into hard times financially (a pretty universal human experience). I’m more inclined to want to do something about it so long as boundaries are respected and I can comfortably spare the amount they need. People being in need is no myth.

…I’m sure that it’s appreciated that you can help in that way, Redway…but there isn’t just one way to help someone if/when they need it and Ben’s way and the way of others may be different… because it’s not always only about a ‘problem or need’ now and the solving of it but to try to help them going forward with their lives as well…

[bots]

Family, i would lend/give to in an instant if i could help, but no-one else. There are just too many scammers out there that take advantage of well meaning people and they can be very convincing

[GiRTh]

Originally Posted by Redway

It’s not about trusting the whole world but just knowing and accepting that anyone can fall into hard times financially (a pretty universal human experience). I’m more inclined to want to do something about it so long as boundaries are respected and I can comfortably spare the amount they need. People being in need is no myth.

You seem like a great guy and a true friend. I really like the threads you create too I'm just saying, due to the job I have, I dont advice anyone to give a loan unless they truly trust the person and can set boundaries, if necessary.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by GiRTh

You seem like a great guy and a true friend. I really like the threads you create too I'm just saying, due to the job I have, I dont advice anyone to give a loan unless they truly trust the person and can set boundaries, if necessary.

One basic rule anyone would do good to follow is to not loan it out if you can’t afford to part without indefinitely. It’s just about being cautious about how reliable the person you’re lending money is if it’s a sum you’re expecting to get back. My main issue on this thread is people extrapolating from this example that lending money is inherently a disaster. It can be but to me it’s just different with family and friends you’ve known for years. Those people aren’t suddenly non-genuine should they need to ask for money just because of a few rotten apples who take the piss. Giving money directly might not be your preferred way of helping people financially and that’s fine but should the waters really be muddled off the bat with loved ones because of the acts of certain people?

[Benjamin]

Originally Posted by Redway

One basic rule anyone would do good to follow is to not loan it out if you can’t afford to part without indefinitely. It’s just about being cautious about how reliable the person you’re lending money is if it’s a sum you’re expecting to get back.

The trouble is you won’t really know how reliable this person is until you do it. It leaves a very bitter taste if it does happen (which I genuinely hope you don’t ever experience).

Also, I’m not saying people aren’t in need, but I try other ways to help. If somebody is constantly needing to borrow money then they need bigger help than I can provide (hence why I’d point them to places who will be able to help them long term).

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Redway

One basic rule anyone would do good to follow is to not loan it out if you can’t afford to part without indefinitely. It’s just about being cautious about how reliable the person you’re lending money is if it’s a sum you’re expecting to get back. My main issue on this thread is people extrapolating from this example that lending money is inherently a disaster. It can be but to me it’s just different with family and friends you’ve known for years. Those people aren’t suddenly non-genuine should they need to ask for money just because of a few rotten apples who take the piss. Giving money directly might not be your preferred way of helping people financially and that’s fine but should the waters really be muddled off the bat with loved ones because of the acts of certain people?

…that’s very wise advice and something to live by …my dad always said similar…if someone needs to loan money then they may struggle to pay it back so never loan…only ever give…

[Redway]

Originally Posted by Benjamin

The trouble is you won’t really know how reliable this person is until you do it. It leaves a very bitter taste if it does happen (which I genuinely hope you don’t ever experience).

I’m not say people aren’t in need, but I try other ways to help. If somebody is constantly needing to borrow money then they need bigger help than I can provide (hence why I’d point them to places who will be able to help them long term).

Okay, that’s true. That’s part of what I was talking about re. boundaries. It might be the boundary of not having to ask for money directly too often, because that can be a pain, whether you want to help them out like that or not.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…that’s very wise advice and something to live by …my dad always said similar…if someone needs to loan money then they may struggle to pay it back so never loan…only ever give…

Yeah. And to be fair Ben does have a point about not knowing how reliable at least certain people are until you become a lender. I’m still inclined to want to bank on the reliability of family and solid friends (I wasn’t really talking about random acquaintances anyway). It’s just unfortunate that unreliable people leave a bad rep. behind for everyone-else.

[GiRTh]

Originally Posted by Redway

One basic rule anyone would do good to follow is to not loan it out if you can’t afford to part without indefinitely. It’s just about being cautious about how reliable the person you’re lending money is if it’s a sum you’re expecting to get back. My main issue on this thread is people extrapolating from this example that lending money is inherently a disaster. It can be but to me it’s just different with family and friends you’ve known for years. Those people aren’t suddenly non-genuine should they need to ask for money just because of a few rotten apples who take the piss. Giving money directly might not be your preferred way of helping people financially and that’s fine but should the waters really be muddled off the bat with loved ones because of the acts of certain people?

You answer the question as to why we're weary of lending money., There are too many variables with lending money that cannot be anticipated. The trustworthiness of the person, your own affordability etc. its a can of worms that should not be opened and can severely impact relationships.

[Benjamin]

Originally Posted by Redway

Yeah. And to be fair Ben does have a point about not knowing how reliable at least certain people are until you become a lender. I’m still inclined to want to bank on the reliability of family and solid friends (I wasn’t really talking about random acquaintances anyway). It’s just unfortunate that unreliable people leave a bad rep. behind for everyone-else.

Of course. I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t lend somebody money if you want to. It’s a kind act. I just hope people don’t betray your kind act. It changes your future mind set on it all.

[GiRTh]

Originally Posted by Benjamin

The trouble is you won’t really know how reliable this person is until you do it. It leaves a very bitter taste if it does happen (which I genuinely hope you don’t ever experience).

Also, I’m not saying people aren’t in need, but I try other ways to help. If somebody is constantly needing to borrow money then they need bigger help than I can provide (hence why I’d point them to places who will be able to help them long term).

This. Signpost them to people who can give long term help. A loan only means they now owe you as well as all the others.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by GiRTh

You answer the question as to why we're weary of lending money., There are too many variables with lending money that cannot be anticipated. The trustworthiness of the person, your own affordability etc. its a can of worms that should not be opened and can severely impact relationships.

I’m assuming affordability. If you haven’t got it to spare, that’s that. Not taking no for an answer is obviously a major red-flag. It’s not something you can be bullied into.

If it’s a can of worms you want to open and you always get it back from the person when you’ve made it clear that it really is a loan and not a free gift, that’s on you and fair enough. I wouldn’t say no to it, but obviously I haven’t been screwed over yet. Maybe I would be singing from a different hymn-sheet otherwise. And I have been duped to be fair. Just not by anyone I’d consider an amicable relationship in any case. I took a major risk and it backfired.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Redway

Yeah. And to be fair Ben does have a point about not knowing how reliable at least certain people are until you become a lender. I’m still inclined to want to bank on the reliability of family and solid friends (I wasn’t really talking about random acquaintances anyway). It’s just unfortunate that unreliable people leave a bad rep. behind for everyone-else.

…yeah, I think Ben also has some very sound and good advice because it isn’t just a ‘one fix’ thing and loaning money for instance…?…can provide like a ‘plaster’ type fix in a moment but still might leave lots of other things that could be addressed for lifestyle changes so that it’s not such a struggle for that person…?…those are the things that he’s suggesting also that he adopts as looking at different layers of a situation when someone needs help…

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…that’s very harsh and unfair of the landlord…to only listen to the other person’s story and then to bar you without hearing your voice in it also…(do you think…)…that she knew that she wouldn’t be able to repay you so has ‘negotiated’ and manufactured a story so that she can avoid you…?…I’m so sorry for how this has left you feeling right now……

I'm going to guess that the woman is friends with the Landlord of the Pub, hence the refusal to listen to Kate's side of the story.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by Mystic Mock

I'm going to guess that the woman is friends with the Landlord of the Pub, hence the refusal to listen to Kate's side of the story.

I’d honestly write a letter. Slam it on her table and leave it with her. Title on envelope: your friend’s a lying gobsh*te.

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Redway

I’d honestly write a letter. Slam it on her table and leave it with her. Title on envelope: your friend’s a lying gobsh*te.

I would probably do something similar tbh.

But I get that Kate might want to try and move on, which is a valid choice tbf.

[Beso]

Originally Posted by Redway

That’s never happened to me. I’m not really interested in your reasoning behind justifying your selfishness but all I know is that a genuine friend in need is a friend indeed. We all go through tough times and I’d rather be remembered as the person who helped rather than the one who gave silly excuses.

It's not selfish not to hand over money that's ridiculous to say. What is selfish however, is going cap in hand expecting people to bail you out due to your own incompetence

[Redway]

Originally Posted by Beso

It's not selfish not to hand over money that's ridiculous to say. What is selfish however, is going cap in hand expecting people to bail you out due to your own incompetence

People fall on hard times without being incompetent all the time. Don’t judge indiscriminately when you don’t know individual people’s circumstances.

[Beso]

Originally Posted by Redway

People fall on hard times without being incompetent all the time. Don’t judge indiscriminately when you don’t know individual people’s circumstances.

Perhaps take a leaf out of that book when you are calling people selfish for not giving hand outs.

[Kate!]

I've spoken with Citizens Advice and they said I have a case, they are going to recommend me a legal aid solicitor. I'm seriously thinking about it.

[bots]

A case for what?

[Ammi]

…well done, Kate…it’s good to channel focus into being pro-active…I don’t know what the case would be but just take some ‘cooling down time’ also and ask enough questions to be aware of what it all involves and be sure that’s the direction that you’re happy to go in…it’s all your decision…

[Crimson Dynamo]

Originally Posted by bots

A case for what?

Getting barred oot the Clansman for illegal payday loans of course!

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…well done, Kate…it’s good to channel focus into being pro-active…I don’t know what the case would be but just take some ‘cooling down time’ also and ask enough questions to be aware of what it all involves and be sure that’s the direction that you’re happy to go in…it’s all your decision…

Yeah I have to consider whether I really want to put myself through the stress, but I do feel very strongly about the injustice.of it all.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Kate!

Yeah I have to consider whether I really want to put myself through the stress, but I do feel very strongly about the injustice.of it all.

…yeah, I do get that…it’s good to step back from the heat of those feelings, though and take some time to think it through and talk it through with someone who can advise you accurately what involvement it will have for you…it’s your decision as to whether it’s an injustice you want to pursue legally or leave or not…