[Janette]

Graeme and I have found these funny bumper car stickers and thought we'd share them with you!



We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

My computer doesn't understand me!!

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

Grandchildren are spoiled because you can't spank the Grandma!

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway

I souport publik edukashun

Politicians and nappies have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

My other car bumper sticker is funny

If all else fails .. lower your standards

Bosses are like diapers. Full of sh*t and all over your a*s!

I'm in no hurry, I'm on my way to work

The #1 cause of divorce is ... Marriage

We are spending our kids inheritance.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

My karma ran over your dogma

I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you

If it's tourist season then why can't we shoot them?

Men have feelings too, but who really cares?

Not all women are fools. Some are single.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I love cats, they taste just like chicken

Caution! Driver just doesn't give a sh*t anymore! .

God grant me patience. And I want it NOW!

Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and drop your beer.

I still miss my Ex ... but my aim is improving

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself!

Give me coffee and no one will get hurt

I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it

Get even. Live long enough to be a problem to your children

I AM in shape. Round is a shape.

I don't give a damn what your other car is!

Earth First. We'll screw up the other planets later.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you

Jesus is coming! Look busy

I like your approach, let's see your departure

Work is for people who don't surf the net!

If men are from Mars, then why can't we send them back?

God's last name is not damnit!

I love my boss, I love my job, I'm self employed

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you!

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

I'm not deaf. I'm just ignoring you.

I finally got it all together, but I forgot where I put it

If women are from Venus, then why can't we send them back?

Not all men are fools. Some are single.

I love cats. Want to trade recipes?

To err is human. To really screw up, you need a computer

[Mairi]

These are really funny, Janette and Graeme.

"I finally got it all together, but I forgot where I put it"

That one made me laugh the most.

This one was definitely my favourite, though:

"Get even. Live long enough to be a problem to your children"

[LEE]

Brilliant Janette, absolutely brilliant.

[Kaz]

Hilarious - thanks Janette and Graeme!

I love cats, they taste just like chicken

Has to be my favourite (and canine Kaz's too!)

Closely followed by:

I'm not as think as you drunk I am

Classic.

[susieq]

Not all women are fools. Some are single.

Am lovin' this one!!!!

Give me coffee and no one will get hurt

Now THAT one I can really relate to!

My favourite though is:

I'm not deaf. I'm just ignoring you.

I'm sure I'll find a use for that one of these days.

Thanks Janette - they certainly brightened my day up.

[Janette]

If you liked them, you might like these epitaphs, I can't believe these are genuine!!!!!




On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young.
____________
In a London, England cemetery:

Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
_____________
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
_____________
Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.
_____________
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:

Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
_____________
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
_____________
A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:

Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23,
has many qualifications of a good wife,
and yearns to be comforted.
_____________
A lawyer's epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
_____________
Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:

I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Of yours.
_____________
Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.
_____________
In a Georgia cemetery:

"I told you I was sick!"
_____________
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.
_____________
On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:

She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.
_____________
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.
_____________
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:

Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
_____________
More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:

Gone away
Owin' more
Than he could pay.
_____________
Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:

In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
One Wood
Within another.
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
The other.
_____________
On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
Pease shelled out and went to God.
_____________
The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:

Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
_____________
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:

Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down.
It was.
_____________
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

[Sticks]

Nice to see you coming around to apreciating graveyards

I remember seeing a picture of one where there was a very rude acrostic going vertically down on the first letter

Rules of this forum prohibit me from displaying it or linking to it sorry

Meanwhile here is my latest graveyard picture for you to enjoy

[Kaz]

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down.
It was.

No way!

Only in America.

[Mairi]

Originally posted by Janette
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young.

I especially like the one you picked out, Kaz and I thought this one was really funny too.

I'm amazed that the church allowed relatives/friends to put these sorts of epitaphs on tombstones. I certainly can't see them being allowed today!!

[WILDCHILD]

Originally posted by Janette
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
_____________

This one is very bizarre - surely can't be real??

[steve_o]

I'm not possibly going to comment.

[Amy]

this thread got me looking for funny bumper car stickers here's a few i quite liked

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.