[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Redway

We’ve been at loggerheads for a while.

I've gathered.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by Mystic Mock

I've gathered.

QB likes a good argument anyway. He was getting ready for the quibbles of life in the mother’s womb.

[Redway]

Okay, listen, QB, do you want to share some of these bad-experience examples re. Samaritans with us on this thread? I’m not interested in having another argument, even if we do fundamentally disagree on the distribution of certain information. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on that one but I get the impression that you have stories to tell, and I’m piqued. I know Samaritans isn’t perfect and I wasn’t extolling them to superhuman standards anyway. Just talking about the importance of keeping things in-house but there’s obviously nothing I can say to get you to change your mind on that one.

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Redway

Okay, listen, QB, do you want to share some of these bad-experience examples re. Samaritans with us on this thread? I’m not interested in having another argument, even if we do fundamentally disagree on the distribution of certain information. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on that one but I get the impression that you have stories to tell, and I’m piqued. I know Samaritans isn’t perfect and I wasn’t extolling them to superhuman standards anyway. Just talking about the importance of keeping things in-house but there’s obviously nothing I can say to get you to change your mind on that one.

Great Post. X

[Quantum Boy]

Originally Posted by Redway

Okay, listen, QB, do you want to share some of these bad-experience examples re. Samaritans with us on this thread? I’m not interested in having another argument, even if we do fundamentally disagree on the distribution of certain information. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on that one but I get the impression that you have stories to tell, and I’m piqued. I know Samaritans isn’t perfect and I wasn’t extolling them to superhuman standards anyway. Just talking about the importance of keeping things in-house but there’s obviously nothing I can say to get you to change your mind on that one.

Just replying here to say that I'm not ignoring this Redway, I'm trying to figure out how to give a good answer without inadvertently doxxing myself or -- ironically enough -- sharing more than I should online.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by Quantum Boy

Just replying here to say that I'm not ignoring this Redway, I'm trying to figure out how to give a good answer without inadvertently doxxing myself or -- ironically enough -- sharing more than I should online.

Yeah, okay. You take your time.

[Dogeatdog]

Not sure if my opinion would be valid here as I’m not married but if I were to tell someone a secret who was married, I would absolutely assume that they would tell their partner as well.

I think one key thing to a stable marriage is trust and the ability to confide in one another with the strictest confidence that it would not be discussed with anyone else other than each other.

However I would feel very betrayed if I were to confide in someone who was married, about something that was very sensitive to me and not to be discussed with anyone else, for that information to be spread to other people. I would feel very hurt and be unable to trust that person again.

I would like to think however that I’m a good judge of character and I’d think very carefully before I said such private information to someone especially if they were married. I think some couples whether they’re married or not, thrive on gossip and kinda get a kick out of making others feel miserable out of jealousy.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Dogeatdog

Not sure if my opinion would be valid here as I’m not married but if I were to tell someone a secret who was married, I would absolutely assume that they would tell their partner as well.

I think one key thing to a stable marriage is trust and the ability to confide in one another with the strictest confidence that it would not be discussed with anyone else other than each other.

However I would feel very betrayed if I were to confide in someone who was married, about something that was very sensitive to me and not to be discussed with anyone else, for that information to be spread to other people. I would feel very hurt and be unable to trust that person again.

I would like to think however that I’m a good judge of character and I’d think very carefully before I said such private information to someone especially if they were married. I think some couples whether they’re married or not, thrive on gossip and kinda get a kick out of making others feel miserable out of jealousy.

…I think that it’s one of those things that very much is individual to a couple …my OH would never expect me to or want me to share a personal confidence a friend had shared with me…he would have no interest in sharing it because he trusts that I would tell him anything that I felt he should know for whatever reason…and the same applies the other way round, I know that he would also share with me anything that he felt I should know but beyond that, friendship personal confidences aren’t something we share…but as I say, it’s very individual to a relationship and those partners who share those things are generally doing so because they know they’re sharing with a person of trust…

[Dogeatdog]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…I think that it’s one of those things that very much is individual to a couple …my OH would never expect me to or want me to share a personal confidence a friend had shared with me…he would have no interest in sharing it because he trusts that I would tell him anything that I felt he should know for whatever reason…and the same applies the other way round, I know that he would also share with me anything that he felt I should know but beyond that, friendship personal confidences aren’t something we share…but as I say, it’s very individual to a relationship and those partners who share those things are generally doing so because they know they’re sharing with a person of trust…

It can be quite complex but I’m just very wary of things I say to certain people and what I say to people whom I do and I don’t trust. I’m always on the assumption that if I say something to someone who is married, I’m not saying it to 1 person, I’m saying it to 2 people.

Like I say tho, some couples do thrive on jealousy. In this instance I wouldn’t say private things to these types of people because I would feel that they wouldn’t keep it between themselves and would use it against you. I would like to think that I’m clever enough to suss these people out but some people can be very devious and do things like this that you would never expect.

[Benjamin]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…I think that it’s one of those things that very much is individual to a couple …my OH would never expect me to or want me to share a personal confidence a friend had shared with me…he would have no interest in sharing it because he trusts that I would tell him anything that I felt he should know for whatever reason…and the same applies the other way round, I know that he would also share with me anything that he felt I should know but beyond that, friendship personal confidences aren’t something we share…but as I say, it’s very individual to a relationship and those partners who share those things are generally doing so because they know they’re sharing with a person of trust…

That’s how it is with my OH and I too.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Dogeatdog

It can be quite complex but I’m just very wary of things I say to certain people and what I say to people whom I do and I don’t trust. I’m always on the assumption that if I say something to someone who is married, I’m not saying it to 1 person, I’m saying it to 2 people.

Like I say tho, some couples do thrive on jealousy. In this instance I wouldn’t say private things to these types of people because I would feel that they wouldn’t keep it between themselves and would use it against you. I would like to think that I’m clever enough to suss these people out but some people can be very devious and do things like this that you would never expect.

…I think being cautious is a good thing because once a confidence is given, it’s out there…you have no control over who that person tells…you just have to trust …and I think that we all or most of us feel that we’re good judges of character because if/when we bond and connect with people/when friendships are formed etc…?…we tend to see mainly the very positive attributes of those people…when the truth is that everyone has positive and negative attributes and characteristics…and when one of those negatives feels like a trust betrayal, that’s a very difficult thing and can be very damaging to a friendship…and in our friendships as well, there are different ‘roles’ of friends, I guess is a way to say it in that some friends can bring great joy to our lives in many different ways but not every friend is a confident…

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Benjamin

That’s how it is with my OH and I too.

…yeah, I think we also both sense when the other has a friend who may be struggling a bit as we’ll chat to them more often/go see them more often etc…and either would just say…I hope everything’s ok…we would never ask if there was a problem, that’s just something we sense and doesn’t need to be said…

[Dogeatdog]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…I think being cautious is a good thing because once a confidence is given, it’s out there…you have no control over who that person tells…you just have to trust …and I think that we all or most of us feel that we’re good judges of character because if/when we bond and connect with people/when friendships are formed etc…?…we tend to see mainly the very positive attributes of those people…when the truth is that everyone has positive and negative attributes and characteristics…and when one of those negatives feels like a trust betrayal, that’s a very difficult thing and can be very damaging to a friendship…and in our friendships as well, there are different ‘roles’ of friends, I guess is a way to say it in that some friends can bring great joy to our lives in many different ways but not every friend is a confident…

I agree with you Ammi 100%

[Redway]

Originally Posted by Benjamin

That’s how it is with my OH and I too.

And that’s certainly fair enough.

[caprimint]

Not married but I'd most probably always tell my partner any "secrets" even if the friend asked me not to

[Zizu]

Originally Posted by caprimint

I'd most probably always tell my partner any "secrets" even if the friend asked me not to

Same ..


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[Zizu]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…I think that it’s one of those things that very much is individual to a couple …my OH would never expect me to or want me to share a personal confidence a friend had shared with me…he would have no interest in sharing it because he trusts that I would tell him anything that I felt he should know for whatever reason…and the same applies the other way round, I know that he would also share with me anything that he felt I should know but beyond that, friendship personal confidences aren’t something we share…but as I say, it’s very individual to a relationship and those partners who share those things are generally doing so because they know they’re sharing with a person of trust…

You make some excellent points !


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